Elusive Eel

Joel wants an eel pie for his birthday pie. Today I was traipsing through the internet archives and the expansive yellow pages, attempting to find a seller of the grand water-swimmer the eel. It was a noble attempt, and I didn't think too much of a request, for some fresh eel. The internet dissappointed, a rare occurence. Either the websites were so confusing it wasn't worth attempting, or they were more focused on selling in larger quantities than the two eel I require. So I regressed to one of those ancient models of search engines, made of paper, called the telephone book. Did you realize they still come out with new models of those things?! Albiet they are as confusing as black holes, but this time, it came through. Go Dex. Anyways, I looked up "fish and seafood", at the suggestion of the "seafood" page. There was a magnificent list of seafood providers, from "Bud's Bait" to "Crab Guys The" to "Wong Tung Seafood Inc." I made some calls, got my request down to a record .7 seconds after all that practice, and faced way too many rejections. I accidently called one place twice, and they said, "Didn't you just call?" And referred me to Uwajimaya, who only have frozen eel (If you're going to make eel pie, you've got to go all out and get fresh). They said that's all I was going to find. The very next place I called, however, surpassed my expectations. Of course they would - as soon as I saw their name, I knew if they didn't have it, no one would. Lucky Seafood came through!! I called, said the usual "Do you have eel?" They said, "Eel?"
I said, "yes. Eel."
They replied, "Yes."
I asked, "Fresh?"
They responded, "Live. Live Eel."
Surprised, I asked, "Live? How do I kill it?"
The one word response was all it took: "Chop!"
Lucky Seafood is the place to go for all of your eel needs!
Later tonite, I was searching the internet archives, having had my fill of the yellow pages, for information on how to go about killing and preparing a live eel for cooking. This is what I found:
"To clean, cut a slit thru the skin all the way around at the neck, just behind the gills. Nail the head to a tree, and then take a pair of needlenose pliers, and grab the skin at the slit, and pull staight down.
Then clean out the guts and lop off the head.
Ah just like Granpa use to do back when I was a boy. Thought it was so cool."
Pretty wicked sweet. Turns out we have a tree, so that will be useful. And we thought that tree was good for nothing! this is an online discussion board with fellow eel lovers talking about their memories of childhood eel eatings. Pretty random, eh?